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It might surprise some to learn that many of us in the homeschooling space actually started out as traditional educators. Years ago, I was a second-grade teacher, and let me tell you, it was nothing like the picture I had in my mind while sitting through my college courses. I faced a tough administrative team, overwhelming stress, and a work environment that wasn’t as fulfilling as I’d imagined.
After two years of that, I transitioned to teaching middle and high school reading at an alternative all-girls school. And that job? I absolutely loved it. I could see myself still there today—if it weren’t for the fact that I got pregnant with my first daughter not long after starting. Suddenly, I had to make a tough decision: stay in a job I loved or stay home with my baby. I chose the latter after just a year, and never once have I regretted that decision.
That role at the all-girls school also inspired me to pursue a higher degree in counseling. After my second daughter was born—just two years after my first—I knew I wanted to stay home with them, but I also craved some mental stimulation outside of the house. So, I enrolled in evening classes while juggling life at home with my girls, and earned my Master’s degree in school counseling.
I thought it was my dream job. It was a chance to build the same kind of connections with students that I had at the alternative school, helping them on a deeper level. And with my daughters getting older, I thought it would be perfect—I’d be able to go back to work full-time, but have the same school schedule as my girls. Or so I thought.
When my daughters were 4 and 6, I returned to the workforce as a middle school counselor. The school had an amazing admin team, and I loved the work itself. But I quickly realized that I didn’t love the working parent part. I missed my kids. Our lives became a blur of rushing to get ready in the morning, rushing to get home in the evening, and only having time to catch up over homework, dinner, baths, and bedtime. I needed something more flexible, something that allowed me to fulfill my dream of helping others—without the chaos.
After just one year in that role, I made the decision to leave and start working as a counselor in private practice. For the first time in a long time, I could make my own schedule and feel in control of my day. Around the same time, homeschooling started to appear on my radar. I was questioning whether the school environment was truly the best fit for raising my kids, given the struggles I had seen in the middle school and what I was observing with my own daughters. I spent countless hours on YouTube, diving into the world of homeschooling to see if it was a path I was ready to take—or if I was completely nuts for even considering it! (As an introvert, the idea of spending all my time with my kids was… daunting.)
But as I heard more heartbreaking stories from the kids I worked with in counseling, and watched my oldest daughter struggle with daily headaches and stomach aches, I finally convinced my husband to give homeschooling a try. And if it didn’t work out, we could always put them back in school.
Before I pulled my kids out, I created a note on my phone with a list of my “Whys.” Every time I found a new reason to homeschool, I added it to the list. Whenever I second-guess myself or wonder if I’m doing the right thing, I look back at that list. The funny thing is, many of the reasons I originally listed are the same ones people often use to defend why their kids should be in school.
Socialization
This is the public school advocate’s bread and butter when it comes to trying to convince homeschoolers that school is a necessity. I don’t know how we all convinced ourselves that we need to be stuffed in a room full of same age peers five days a week to learn how to interact with other humans, but when you really think about it, it’s laughable. First of all, for a half introvert like myself, this sounds like a nightmare. Yet here we are expecting it to be an appropriate environment for every single child all over the country?
School is Not For Socializing
When we look at this definition of socialization it is actually quite telling. I could go on an hour long tangent about how the school system was created to turn our kids into robots meant to serve the governments goals in society, but I’ll leave that to John Taylor Gatto. Check out his books, Dumbing Us Down, or The Underground History of American Education, Volume I: An Intimate Investigation Into the Prison of Modern Schooling, or pretty much anything he has every written to learn more about the disturbing history of our school system and how it was never meant to educate children, but rather to create conformists.
Even if you are firm in your belief that your child is going to turn into a socially awkward hermit if you don’t send them to school, I want to assure you that school is not a place for socializing. Throughout the years I worked in schools, as a teacher, intern, and counselor, there was very little talking amongst students.
Lunch at every school I worked at was a time for kids to be yelled at about being too loud or being silenced completely through the use of “silent lunch” or at one school I was at, even using a giant projector to show YouTube videos to prevent students from interacting.
I know what you’re thinking, okay, Cassie, well what about recess or classroom interactions? Recess was 15-20 minutes long and by the time kids agreed on a game, they have 10 minutes to actually play that game. That’s 10 minutes to practice crucial life skills like conflict resolution before being ushered back inside for more academics.
Classroom interactions were minimal between students and HIGHLY regulated and controlled by the teacher. If you think kids are having in depth conversations among themselves while analyzing difficult problems, you are vastly mistaken.
Research has shown time and time again that kids perform better academically when they are given more time in nature, yet year after year we cut back their outdoor time in exchange for more structured learning time. This cuts out their time to build these skills needed to interact with other kids and this vital free play time.
Peer and Teacher Influence and What it Really Means
Many of us look back at our school years and think about one or a few amazing teachers and how they influenced our lives in such a profound way that we can’t imagine our childhood without them. When you think about that statistic though, it’s kind of sad. Out of all of the teachers we had our entire lives, only a few stand out as really making a difference for us? What about the rest of them?
We send our kids off on a school bus where they are surrounded by other kids with differing backgrounds and beliefs to a building full of adults with differing backgrounds and beliefs. While I truly believe exposure to many different perspectives is a positive thing, I believe that comes with a caveat.
A 6 year old takes these influences and what others say as fact without anyone to process these different experiences with. I mean, I don’t know a single kid that shares every daily experience with their parents, or even remembers enough of it to share. How can we guide our children in the way only a parent can when we don’t even know what most of their day entails?
My children get tons of experiences through co-ops, extra-curriculars, drop off classes, etc. The difference being that these experiences are self chosen and don’t last 7 hours a day. They talk to me daily about conversations they have had or questions they have about something a friend or adult said or did. We are able to process things together in a trusting environment.
Self-Esteem and Confidence in Who You Are
As my oldest daughter navigated kindergarten and first grade, I watched two things happen that worried me beyond all else. I watched my extremely inquisitive child stop lighting up about learning. Learning was becoming a task to complete and not a joyful daily adventure.
The second thing that was happening was a loss of identity. Yes, at 6 years old my daughter was starting to question if she was who she once knew she was! The little she did share about her day often involved her adapting to fit in with others, compromising what she truly believed in situations, and sometimes even joining in with unkind behavior and bullying with the belief that if she was herself, nobody would like her.
The straw that broke the camels back was when I heard her criticizing her body! At 6 years old, this terrified me and made me fearful of what the next 12 years of school would do to her self-esteem.
Her self esteem is not fully recovered, and she still hears these self critical statements at places like gymnastics, but again, we are able to discuss and process them together. She has grown so much more confident in who she is and worries so much less about fitting in with others. What more could I want for her?
Education
It might not make sense that education was a reason for removing my kids from school, but it really was. My oldest daughter was so bored and spent so much of her time waiting for the teacher to move on that it often presented itself in behavioral issues. On the other end of the spectrum, in my work life, I watched kids struggle and be left behind due to the ever moving curriculum. There was no way that every child would be met where they are and given the help they needed.
Homeschooling has allowed us to tailor things to each of my kids. While the structured part of our day is minimal, it looks very different for each of my girls. They use completely different math curriculums, both online, and while one does multiple lessons a day and enjoys the challenge, the other feels content completing one lesson and moving on. Both are ahead of their school-aged peers in math, not that it matters in the slightest.
Curriculum aside, my kids, by choice, spend most of their day reading or listening to audio books. I don’t assign them books and make them write me a report or take a quiz upon completion. Reading is joyful for them and logically, I don’t think they would be doing it if they didn’t understand what they are reading. I don’t need a test to tell me that they know what is going on in the story. Learning isn’t a task for them, it is a part of their daily lives.
Family
This was probably our number one reason for choosing this life. I was so tired of living separate lives and coming back together just to say “goodnight” and do it all over again tomorrow. I kept asking myself how we could have a close-knit family if we were only spending any real time together on weekends? We could squeeze as many amazing experiences into school breaks and weekends as possible, and it still never felt like enough time.
I envision a day when my kids are teenagers and they choose to spend time with us. I might be delusional in thinking that homeschooling will change their desire to hide from us through adolescence, but I would like to think that the foundation we have built with them will at least make it a little less tempting.
Why we homeschool doesn’t so much change as the reasons grow constantly.
We all choose the path we walk in life. No decisions we make as parents ever come without doubt and second guessing. That’s just part of the journey of parenthood. I still question, albeit very briefly, whether the choice to homeschool is best for my kids. Then I reference my list, I listen to other people around me talk about the struggles their kids are facing at school, I take a deep breath, and I know I am doing what I believe is best for my children and my family.